Grief

Grief is a human response to significant personal change or loss such as the death of a loved one, separation or divorce, injury or disability, or loss of a job.

Despite being natural this does not mean that grief is easy to cope with. The effects of grief can be overwhelming and you may find yourself struggling to find meaning and hope for life. However in time, you will be able to look back to see the tiny steps you took that will become the foundation of hope and possibilities for the future.

Each person reacts differently to loss. This doesn’t mean some people are stronger and some are weaker – only that each of us is an individual.

You will probably find yourself experiencing intense and perhaps strange feelings – this may be confusing – but these feelings are a normal part of the healing process of grief.

Time is needed for healing but there is no way to predict how long it will take to recover from the loss. Grief is an uneven process, like a rollercoaster or a stormy sea. It may seem like it will have no end point, however over time, you can learn to live with the loss. You learn to live a different life with the loss. Although your life may not be exactly the same after a significant loss, the intensity of the feelings will lessen and you will start to notice that you are moving forward and even finding joy in life again. Some people have found that after going through an experience of intense grief that they find a renewed sense of meaning for their life. Some people have spoken about the personal growth that can come from grief in which they notice that they feel stronger, more able to cope with life’s challenges, and that they now hold deeper understandings, compassion and connections to loved ones.

Below is a list of some of the things you may experience whilst grieving. You may experience lots of these at once and they may come and go with waves of intensity. Grief is not a linear process where you can tick off the feelings one by one until you are “healed”. It is important to know that just because a feeling or experience comes back into your life does not mean that you are taking steps backwards. Having courage to experience the hard feelings is what will move you forward towards hope and a re-investment in life.

 

What you might be feeling? –

Shock, Denial, Disbelief, Anger, Numb, Paralysed, Guilt, Depression, Loneliness, Helplessness, Sadness, Anxiety, Sense of going crazy, Relief, Despair, Disorientation, Frustration, Restlessness.

What you might be thinking? –

Confusion, “This isn’t really happening”, Bargaining, “Why me?”, “It’s not fair”, Fear of losing control, “It’s my fault”, “I can’t make it on my own”, “Why bother, things will never be the same”, Idealisation, Unable to think, Pre-occupation or repetitious thoughts Thoughts of wanting to die or harm yourself.

What you may be doing? –

Finding it difficult to sleep, Having nightmares, Withdrawing socially, Eating more or less, Forgetfulness, Crying, Oversleeping, Loss of interests, Struggling with life changes, Finding it difficult to get out of bed.

What might be going on in your body? –

Lack of energy, Nauseous, Panic attacks, Insomonia, Headaches, Fatigue, Stomach aches, Difficulty breathing, Trembling, Knot or emptiness in the pit of your stomach, Muscle tension, Lack or increase in appetite with weight gain or loss.

How your spirituality might be affected? –

Trying to make meaning of the loss, Questioning long held beliefs, Drawing on spiritual connections, Reality of death or loss.